It was then, almost a year ago, that we collected together like puddles. We never forgot the throbbing in our chests but somehow mended each others' hearts. Our hands linked as we extended our young brains into wisdown that shouldn't (couldn't?) yet be grasped; each mouth recounted in bittersweet detail the last time we saw our grandfather's face or our last thought before sleep. And now, a year later, my poor mouth seems to never stop talking about him, the details even more bittersweet than childhood memories rolling off your tongue.

Would you say it will be worth it if I put my heart out for you? All of these hours spent on tickles on the inside of my stomach and I cannot for the life of me ever regret this, even if you don't want me at all. I don't care about the seas that may soon seperate our sighs, I'd just ask for a tiny boat atop a blanket of blue with a compass that leads me to where you sleep.

I have never felt so passionate, have never had this feeling deep down in my bones that I can't explain. Words always on the tip of my tongue, words I want you to hear. Words about how I miss making love at two o'clock in the morning, laying entwined with our hands and feet barely touching. Always touching and whispering and kissing his tattoos. I want him back in my bed, one more night of staying up too late. I want to be in love again, but I don't want it to be so hard. But I'm still empty and I still hate to go through my days not knowing what color shirt you're wearing.

(Miss you so much it hurts my head.)

put your hands to my mouth and purify the fire from my sinning throat that even holy water could not cure.

if they want you, then they're going to have to fight me.

we were always selfish, always wanting to be something special. but we are all as normal as sidewalk cracks and there's nothing we can do to escape it. let's just laugh ourselves sore instead. it's time to give away every old secret to make room for new ones. my wails were hallelujahs, you just don't know it yet!

and lastly i must say that you have the most romantically beautiful frame of any boy i've ever spooned, of every body i've ever held. your curves make me crave skin between my fingers, bone against my teeth, your nails on my back. i want to lace my fingers through the notches in your spine, reading your body like braile. i want to learn the secrets that are written on your body, the truth that skin can hide.

the world turns in binaries and i feel my heart sink when the sun becomes thunder. the sky mirror my moods, cloud cover always blowing in thicker and thicker. the tension's electric and we can feel it in the air, making knots in every stomach in the city. when will the downpour come? when will the storm subside? i can hear your voice, whispering, "just wait, my dear, and let the wind weave the knots into something beautiful".

she's made a habit of gutting herself for the sake of another and the bruises on her body always told a different story than her eyes. you cannot see the truth through her skin or the notches in her bedpost or the bottles beneath her bed. no one knew the bedpost was hollow, filled with love letters she wrote to herself. voices shouting behind closed doors, violence forcing love from her. the guilt of god himself is hung around her shoulders, her small frame always almost collapsing. when she was young, she was oh so tender-sweet and scared; now, she is just as scared and sad and sweet as ever, still always keeping her voice a coarse whisper.

i need you and your love sent to me so sock it to me, baby! you really don't realize the distance until you look at a map. just promise you won't forget about me while i'm so far away. if you do, don't let me come back. instead i will dig my own grave and go silently into the night. i know i'm not one to give up like this, but even i can't keep fighting forever.

there are so many things in my chest swelling, my heart like a balloon expanding and contracting inside of me. what else can i do beside wait these feeling out? i am doing what i must until this feeling subsides. oh heavy heart, why must you weigh me down?